bored

the only word that can only express my feeling today...i do not know why this is happen to me, today i am suppossed to photostat all my cert with xila but she wasnt here today, she went to kl with jamee...jamee,well i m gonna miss her a lot.. she is a good friend, the friend that always be with u when u need it...in a hard time .. when u feel sorrow, when u feel upset with human ..when u feel that u are alone....she was there..to remind me that ..life goes on...

my life is quite complicated.. sometimes do not need anybody to express my feeling or to share anything, i am always have me..who can hear my own voice...who is me who always remind me to do best things in my life.. sometimes i wish that i meet someone that i could share all the feeling, all the attitude, all the craziness...i wish for that..

today is actually, we didnt call ourselves working.. do not know why... i need to finish my drink here...

Lost

9:58 AM 5/24/2006

Lost....this is the only word that can describe me now...if anybody in this country can exactly understand me.. i wish for it..but then.. to think it again.. i am lost..

i replied the email..got the reply back..i am speechless..do not know what to think of.. these days are really hard days for me.. for whom who are expect anything from me...just forget about it...

mentioning about commitment..about relationship.. i hate those words.. i am about to renew my commitment but then i found myself away from it.. this heart of me can't take any of disappointment anymore.. not anymore.. i am really tired to love someone that do not need me..does he needs me? i dont think so..he can get whoever he wants in his life yet asking me whether i need him or not? well i dont know, how can you know?...i just have my own single life...now it me myself? if i need you so much, how do i know that u will never leave me..that you are always be with me? how do i know? how can you asked someone in marriage that you know her from the everynight chatting??

i am rather not to think about this... still cant find the solutions.. and wasting my time...

guideline

10:16 AM 5/19/2006

start a new day..everybody is working with passion except me..do no why but there are few things that make me thinking about me self..and this morning after had breakfast with my colleagues.. i started to blur...

i didnt reply the email yet..do no know how to reply..i need to make my decision..still do not know what kind of decision.. i hate being weak at this moment..why is me not become everbody.. half of me say yes..half of it says none...which is best? i do not know..to cross the line..damn.. it is so difficult..

i am not supposed to mix my personal life with work..i have my own strength...and i can fight my own fear..